Women: Is success a failure?

How about I start by saying that I am not a feminist, I just ‘root’ for women. Feminism has an ‘ism’ at the end. Everything with an ‘ism’ tends to have a resounding ‘negative’ on my brain. So I will not be joining the “I don’t need a man” club any day soon.

What I am however, is a proud independent young woman. I want it all. The career, the fit body, the house, car, the lifestyle, but also the kids and the husband and to still be a woman who appreciates a man.

If you have never heard that men are afraid of successful women, then have you even been living on earth? Your parents might have mentioned that you should ‘let a man be a man’ or you may have heard someone say things such as ‘I don’t want to earn more than my husband’, ‘he is intimidated by my job title’ or ‘men dont like successful women because theyll feel like they have nothing to offer them’.

It never crossed my mind much until I started to mingle with young hardworking, independent, and very intelligent women. I find myself surrounded by single friends, to most of them money isn’t the issue, love is. But perhaps could it be that love isn’t the problem but success is? Food for thought.

I was brought up by a single mother, who from what I remember was absolutely self sufficient (not to say we had much). I have never been surrounded by women who at anytime have fully been reliant on any man to pay their bills or anything else, but the men did anyway. My mum just happened to fall in love with a man who appreciated her independence but also understood that it was important that he made her feel like a woman (feminist don’t come at me), so he paid on dates, paid the bills etc.  She allowed him to be her man, she didn’t take over and acted as if she could do it all for herself and did not need him. In my humble opinion women should not be too arrogant about the fact that they are capable of taking care of themselves. These days women are educated, have great jobs and earn good money (still behind men but…). Have we asked ourselves why divorce rates are so high in our generation? Is it perhaps because we have mistaken our independence and freedom for “I don’t need a man”?….

Recently I was having a conversation with an uncle. What I really wanted to get out of him was to understand how men think and what I needed to do in order to win my then boyfriend’s love (talk about desperate), and generally, what do I do when it comes to men? Because I feel that a degree in that particular subject will be worth the £9k a year universities charge these days. I don’t know what to do. Anyway, he said I shouldn’t come across as ‘too ambitious’ and he thought I was too independent and should learn to “need a man”. Yep! He said that. With my ex, I paid the bills and even his car insurance  (yep I was one of those). So yes I have been the girl that didn’t need a man and I will never do it again.

Independent women just need men with a lot more balls than the norm! There, I said it.

Success isn’t a failure if you don’t make it a handicap.

As always I’d love to get your thoughts.

Juvin xx

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